we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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