planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
