I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
