Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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