it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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