I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
