Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.