i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night