I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
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I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
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I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.