**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner