Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
