wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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