I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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