dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
