I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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