I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
