yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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