Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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