So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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