someone get that fucking seahorse.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
