I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
