yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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