we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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