you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
