I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
