turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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