haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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