It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
