I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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