pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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