he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
