Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
