we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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