i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My nipple is on Facebook.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
