Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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