yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
