You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
