Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
That accounts for only three of the penises
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN