I think im going to throw up on grandma
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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