She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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