Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Use "feeling words"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router