There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
from now on my penis is your penis
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night