i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"