he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
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this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
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Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.