Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
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my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
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I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...