I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
