if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
