so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
