so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
