yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Someone came in the potted fern
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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