I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
