I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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