i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
