Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
