It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
