If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
