Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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