So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dignity is for republicans.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
