i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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