unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
