Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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