Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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