when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
