we have officially lost it.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
