I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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