everyone is single if you try hard enough
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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