thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
