actually, I'm a sock model
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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