bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
