but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
