i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
