would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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