ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
where are my eyebrows?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
