Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
