Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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