So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
