The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
